January 24, 2026

The Sin Eater

Even though the first sentence of the book was “When you finish reading this book, you will die,” Emilio couldn’t put it down. The book was titled The Sin Eater, and told the story of Fagan Bancroft, the wealthy scion of the Bancroft dynasty, and his dissolute life. And of course he was “wealthy,” because only the wealthy could afford a sin eater. The rates charged by the company were exorbitant—but, as the filthy rich regularly demonstrated, commensurate with the service they provided: the transference of your sin liability to a sacrificial lamb. In a word, salvation.

That in itself is a pretty good story, but not enough to risk your life for. The danger was, Emilio found himself attracted to Fagan’s sin eater, Dario—such a vivid and resourceful character with whom, if truth be told, Emilio secretly identified. There was no chance he could squelch his urge to follow his fate to the end. Even if he couldn’t help wondering about an author who would kill you for reading his book.

Still, as Emilio read, he entertained various subterfuges with himself: “I’m just skimming through the book, I’m not really reading it”—“I’ll skip an occasional page so I couldn’t be said to have read the book”—“I’ll read up to the last page, then stop (Liber interruptus).” Whether any of those ploys would really work, he didn’t know—but he did know he was not skimming or skipping at all, and like the story he was reading, he didn’t know where that Adamic attempt to hide from God would lead. Or exactly what sort of jurist God would prove to be, should the matter come to trial.

And how could he not equate the anonymous author of The Sin Eater with God? How like that noted clergyman to disappear into his creation only to pipe up at odd moments to say don’t do something or you will die.

“Sin eater” was less a profession than a caste. “Profession” suggests something freely chosen, while “caste” denotes something inflicted by birth. And who could possibly be so desperate as to choose the fate of a sin eater? Yes, they lived in rarefied and insulated luxury, but that was only to keep them in the ripened state necessary for effective sin eating. Who would lose their soul to gain the world? Everyone knows only too well the fate of a soul saturated in sin—whether your own or someone’s you’ve taken on—sin is sin. In a word, damnation.

Such stakes—salvation and damnation! But what do those words actually mean? Emilio couldn’t help but note Fagan Bancroft’s understanding of them: salvation, a continuation of one’s consciousness in a jump to the platinum level of the lifestyle to which he had become accustomed. And damnation: the continuation of one’s consciousness under the floor joists of many mansions in a state of bankable misery and torment. Consciousness—such a sad fate for something so hard-won in the journey of humankind. And while on the surface that might seem unjust, a moment’s reflection would amply demonstrate the consistency with the laws of physics, economics, and common sense. Energy and matter are complementary, there are no free lunches, and you get what you pay for.

A sin eater eats the sins of his master during the master’s life—with a final feast of any surplus at the Viewing. In Fagan Bancroft’s case there was sure to be a fat surplus at the end. Emilio read with relish the rich account of the man’s profligacy: he gorged on the world’s most savory foods, prepared by his personal staff of bitchy but brilliant, constantly feuding, chefs; he kept a harem of sex slaves, many of them on the younger side; he drove fast cars, flew fast airplanes; killed big animals; flitted from one paradisiacal locale to another; and spent extravagant sums on the world’s slickest, most talented sophists to justify it all; and, as we’ve seen, had a highly effective sin eater in the hole.

What made Dario so effective?

His ethic of applying his utmost to every task he undertook, including the sin he ate so thoroughly and with such gusto. A boon for the lecherous Fagan, but also for himself. For in that surrogate delight he, clever lad, had had an epiphany concerning the nature of the reciprocal energy flow between master and slave.

Was that the source of the book’s suspense?

Of course—the resourcefulness of the hero in the face of overwhelming odds.

The fact was, Dario was gifted with the species of imagination that didn’t see the conventional demarcations and boundaries of consensus reality, and the resulting discreteness of things, events, and ideas—but something more permeable. In short, he had decoded the interconvertibility of his ostensibly one-way relationship with Fagan, a move which kept him thinking, and Emilio reading. In time, he devised a plan—a plan to reverse the direction of the energy vectors of that unholy bond based on nothing more than a belief in himself, and the recognition that justice does not predate the situation where it applies, but must be won situation by situation. And that’s when his inability to see the conventional lines between things came in handy. He nullified the proposition that he was Dario and Fagan was Fagan. Who eats whose sin is a two-way street.

Yes! Emilio would read to the end. He would not put it down, author be damned—with the same faith as his daring hero, Dario. Where goes he, there go I. Because didn’t it always come down to risking damnation to bet on yourself?

Knowing you have to finish the book to find out if it works?

Such is the power of art.

January 10, 2025

Nyla at Fifty

Nyla had company during the night.

But in the pre-dawn as she awoke with a jolt, she discovered that she was physically alone. It must have been a dream, this presence trying so earnestly, so diffidently to reach her. And now Nyla was left with only the feeling, no different from what is left when any person moves from on to off-stage. The lingering impression of a personality, in this case with a plea for attention.

Nyla tarried in bed, brooding, until dawn began to sneak around the edges of the window shades, then reluctantly rose, but the dream, unlike most which vaporize in the daylight, went with her.

So she didn’t immediately notice as she crossed in front of the bedroom dressing mirror that there was only nothing where her reflection should have been. She paused, knowing that couldn’t be right, and only then did her hazy self grudgingly materialize in the glass, and she felt the razor thin difference between one’s something and one’s nothing.

All of these uneasy thoughts followed her into the waking world.

Along with the whispers of her newfound companion.

As she drove to work, she was slower than the tide of commuters, trying to hold her own in the slow lane as everyone passed her, but without anger or any emotion, as though the space she occupied didn’t include her. She tried to remember the last time she had made eye contact with anyone, with a glance toward the passenger seat.

She stopped by the coffee shop where everyone looked straight through her. She used her phone to order, as ordinary working people swirled around her, not pushy, not rude, not anything. Several orders appeared on the counter, and she timorously looked to see if one might be hers. “Is one of these mine?” she attempted to ask out loud, but the barista might as well have been a mile away. Arms swooped around her to claim the waiting cups, leaving one when the flurry was done. She looked around at the other faces, trying to summon the nerve to claim it. She looked aside, as though for permission, then reached for it. No one contested her bold move. No one noticed it.

When she was safely back in her car, her phone rang, and she said “Hello,” but there was only silence on the other end. Either someone being no one—or no one being someone. With silence and a sheepish look at the passenger seat, she killed the call.

She made it through a day of work at her desk without engagement with anyone. Her protests stayed in her mind, as all the while the air beside her seemed to be straining to become not merely the place where something could be, but was.

At 4:30 she went home.

#

Yes, she was fifty, a heavy sounding number, and as she remembered it, she had in a receding earlier life interacted with people, known friendships, fallen in love, once, pursued goals, had added, in short, her bit of heat to the fever of humanity, but now these memories seemed to be burning away like morning mist as the sun rises, to the extent she could not be sure they had happened at all.

Leaving what?

Yes, the question.

Once back in her apartment she re-closed all the shades, leery of the tired and sterile scenes, like little billboards, that lay beyond the windows. She had very little appetite, and brewed some tea out of habit. As she sat in her familiar chair, sipping her tea, a feeling that might have been peace flooded her like an ocean swell and she fell into a pleasing trance, where she felt the other presence as one would another person in a small, dark room.

She felt it pushing, probing, and either in her real or her mind’s eye she saw a rubbery veil with something pressing against it like a restless fetus. At one point the crude features of a face pushed into it—then shoulders, knees, fingers, hands. Then suddenly two hands and forearms—small, feminine—broke through the veil like birth and floated in the air, fingers hungrily clenching and unclenching, and she felt a mix of uncertain emotion—compassion one moment, dread the next.

What did this entity want? The question didn’t really seem so different from what did Nyla want? To overtake and replace the other? To complement her as a long-missing half? Or was this simply her own self making a long-overdue house call?

Nyla knew a door had opened. She just didn’t know who was saying “Come in."